Mac Gift Guide
Volume Number: 12
Issue Number: 4
Column Tag: April Foolery
Programmer’s Buying Guide
The perfect gifts for the developer in your life
By Jeremy Smith
Though the holiday season has come and gone, many Macintosh programmers are still
without some of the development treats they were hoping for this year. Blame it on
oversight, blame it on human error, blame it on Microsoft, but you or the
programmer in your life is doubtless still lacking.
Well, lack no longer. For your shopping pleasure, I’ve compiled a list of the
very best in developer gifts. Some are a bit tough to find, however, so start shopping
now. Remember, you’ve only got 247 shopping days until Christmas.
Inside Macintosh: On Tape
Addison-Wesley - $6,499.99
All your favorites from the Inside Macintosh series are now available on cassette
tapes for your audio pleasure! Listen to Toolbox Essentials in the car, QuickTime Components at work, and the ever-popular Designing Cards and Drivers for the
Macintosh Family while you’re hacking around the house. The depth of the Inside Macintosh series means the tapes number in the thousands, so get ready for long, long hours of fun! Series narrator: Patrick “Jean-Luc Picard” Stewart.
Jolt Cola Implants Norplant - $69.99
Jolt Cola Implants combine the power of Jolt with the longevity of skin implants
for the programmer who doesn’t want to sleep - or even have a moment of calm
reflection - for weeks at a time. Each implant lasts for over a month of debugging fun
and comes with its own lengthy legal disclaimer. Married programmers considering
the implant should consult either a marriage counselor or divorce lawyer before using.
Metrotec Codepacifist White Diamond
Symantrowerks - $25,000
Metrotec Codepacifist White Diamond is the ideal gift for the developer who has it
all. Supporting every programming language known to man (ALGOL fans, this means
you!), White Diamond compiles under everything from BeBox to X-Windows. Software
is updated every thirty seconds via the Internet, and each White Diamond purchase
comes with its own 16 gigabyte disc array. Be the first on your block to own the White
Diamond!
MacsbugOS Apple Computer, Inc. - $0.99
Do you resent Calculator’s inability to multiply A9 by C2? Do you use stack
crawls to proofread your work? Do you yearn for command-line input whenever
you’re stuck in the Finder? If you answered “Yes! Yes!” to any of the above,
MacsbugOS is the operating system for you. The first operating system since MS-DOS
designed without an interface from the ground up, MacsbugOS is for anyone who’s ever
looked forward to debugging.
Life 1.0 God - priceless
With just one copy of Life 1.0, you’ll be able to go outside in daylight, talk to
other human beings, and even turn off your Mac for minutes on end. Not for the faint
of heart, Life 1.0 is scarier than Marathon 2, buggier than Windows 95, and bigger
than Word 6. From the maker of each and every thing in existence, Life 1.0 is
something no Macintosh programmer should be without. Warning: Life 1.0 is just out
of beta, so use with caution!